It struck me, while out walking my dog on the last morning of my Christmas holidays, that the next day, I would be heading back to work, and as such, I was going to need pants.听
Ugh. Pants.
Let me clarify, I was wearing pants while I walked my dog, Scout. I promise. It was chilly outside. Look, I鈥檓 all for taking risks, but I prefer mine to be calculated risks and even I know freeze bite can get through unshaven legs, okay? (Don鈥檛 judge that last line 鈥� you鈥檙e no better). 听
So, I layered up from head to toe in whatever gear I could throw on quickly enough to drag my backside off the chair and strut my little pooch down the laneway for that smidgeon of exercise that I never want to do until I鈥檝e done it and realize, movement feels good. Even in pants.听
This fact surprises me every time. I鈥檓 not even kidding. I think that鈥檚 a positive thing. Let me have that one.
It鈥檚 sort of like how I鈥檓 surprised my pants don鈥檛 fit as great as they did before Christmas; a fact that also surprises me after every family celebration that involves gravy and stuffing, a platter of shrimp, and a tray of Toffifay.听
This too surprises me every time. That鈥檚 probably a less positive thing. Let that one pass.
For the duration of the holiday, I made a mockery of my jogging pants by not jogging even one time. Take that, pants.听
My lounge pants were the alternates, used only when the Carpenter gave me that sideways glare that suggested I was pushing the whole 鈥渨reckless abandon鈥� chic fashion a little too far.听
It鈥檚 not so much that his opinion matters, but sometimes he has a point. I may be sending the wrong mating signals. Fine. Leggings it is, with a long shirt. The illusion is really the trick.
My bright-blue flannel drawstring pajama pants with white polar bears all over them are my favourite. Polar bear is the affectionate nickname the Carpenter gave me years ago, because I was always cold. I think the whole menopausal thing makes me a melting polar ice cap now, so he should probably call me Climate Change (I鈥檓 really going to regret writing that).
Alas, Scout and I got to the end of the laneway before I realized that my walking fashion choices were, well, eclectic. Burgundy Blundstones, polar bear pants, a long, coral pillowed coat with a dark green toque, accented with a fluff of fake fur, and the matching mittens for my hands.听
But the accessory that really tipped the scales was my Irish wool scarf, a rainbow of pinks and purples, that I wrapped around my neck to stop the chill.听
Apologies to the courier driver who had to see that. I forgot it was daylight.听
When Monday morning arrived, I begrudgingly coaxed my body into my appropriate office attire pants.听 Neither one of us were thrilled about it.听
First thing I鈥檓 doing when I get home tonight? Swapping my office pants for jogging pants and strutting to the end of the laneway with Scout. Movement feels good.
Pants? Ugh. Damn you, Toffifay.
Get moving. Wear pants.
